Revisiting Rejection (Ep 90)



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  1. Okay so I’m still in high school (last 3 years not going to confirm which) and I’m aware that nothing at this point is really that serious or going to last. I’ve had a fairly crappy family life that has left me with some unfortunate behaviours that seem to drive people away. As a result I’ve never really been shown any sort of physical affection until fairly recently. Basically this girl just started talking to me and we started hanging out like all the time. She did a lot of physical teasing and flirting but was pretty upfront about it not meaning anything. Interestingly I noticed a major confidence boost talking to other girls because I realised it was actually possible for me to receive affection. I don’t like sounding like an incel and I do generally regard them with a level of disdain but I think most guys who aren’t at least a 9 can relate to an extent with what they’re saying. But yeah I just got this massive confidence boost from almost false validation. I currently adore her and like her way more than is healthy and I do need to work on that but when I’ve talked to other girls I’ve noticed a massive increase in the number who are open to something sexual or even just consider it (unless they’ve seen me and this girl together in which case literally everyone thinks we are a couple).

  2. Cultural context is also important. Like you Neel I grew up in an Indian-Australian household with first generation migrant parents, my parents had absolutely no idea how to advise us about dating and rejection as it simply wasn’t a feature in their upbringing, “just focus on your studies” was the advice which is never easy to follow when you’re in your teens and early 20s when the hormones in a male particularly are raging like crazy. Education about rejection, how to cope with it and accept it is just essential not just with dating and relationships but life in general.

  3. As someone more volcel than incel without being religious (shouldn't be relevant but it is) it rubs me the wrong way minimising the effect of rejection on psychology/health because dv is worse and you're "lucky"

  4. It’s always funny how these podcasts seem to end up in Neel being reflective/introspective on his own life. It’s almost like a therapy session for him 😅

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