Am I still smoking weed?



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  1. I spent my 21st birthday in rehab. Smoking weed with and without pills inside on top of at least a 6 pack. Cleaned up in 1998. From that day I stopped I've been on a Lexapro and clonazepam since. If I stop taking these 2 pills which I have done puts me in the hospital and off work for several days. With therapy an neurologist and psychiatrist all want me off the 2 meds but cannot due to extensive history of my life on these. I cannot live without these 2 meds cause I become obliterate insane with panic stress anxiety depression all to visit hospital just to be back on meds. I accept that I would like to be off all but body and mind are so powerful that after all these years, 25 for 1 and 23 for the other, no doctor wants to be there cause I'm in a very small small 1% of these prolonged meds and now I just accept it and can't live without it. Sucks so many ways, however I have made money from my job supports my family and even though I'm like 20% happy its but than being 100% dead if I had continued or 100% locked in a mental health facility. So I don't live each day like I should but I do survive each day with a small glimmer of hope that 1 day i will be 100% clean!!!

  2. I’m glad you’re open enough to speak on this. I’ve always hated that my peers treat weed like it’s the best thing ever and they have to be high all day every day. To me it’s a waste of money and there are more things to life. I understand it for people in physical pain though

  3. 1st addiction – age 10 – Nintendo/Video Games/screen time. Never realized the foundation of my addictive personality was rooted so deeply in my childhood. Nobody ever made me limit myself, and I would skip homework, do less and less outdoors, until by early teens and with the freedom of choice I would commit all free time to games/(screen time later in life).
    Now my body is in a willing addictive state – conditioned since childhood.
    2nd addiction – age 13 – obsessive spending. When the allowance started, collecting, owning, possessing items, materialism. I spent all my money on pewter figures, comic books, baseball cards, bottles, books, swords/knives – but it was spending money that felt the best. I never identified it as simply "spending" until much later in life when "retail therapy" became a term (but not in the placid sense but the very real concept of emotional reward simply from spending/giving people money.
    3rd addiction – age 19 – sex. Lost my virginity at 19 – replaced video game addiction with sex. Stopped going to class to go to the girls house – spent every day there – it was a relationship with love and plenty of other connections, but the daily sexual activity – when it stopped happening daily – became an instant mental/emotional drain. I would notice; 1 day without sex was ok, 2 days I might start to feel a little oddly unidentifiably emotional, 3 days and I noted full mood swings. I commented on it as a joke – I acknowledged and even understood the timeline but didn't view it as an actual problem or extention of addiction.
    4th addiction – age 22 – alcohol. After the ending of the relationship, I had my first drink. My entire plan in life was to be sober – I had gotten to 22 without ever having a drop of alcohol or weed/drugs. That ended when I was unable to sit with the emotions I was feeling, and went to a friends and had my first drink. That was the turning point when the true direction of my life was irrevocably altered. Alcohol became the solution – and I consumed it copiously, to the point of black out, for a decade. The loss of memory, brain function, you can feel all of it when its gone. Alcohol was my gateway – when I was drunk I tried MANY other drugs – thankfully cocaine and heroin simply never took root – but it would lead me to weed.
    5th addiction – age 23 – marijuana. Starting off in a very slight, controlled fashion. I had all my rules that I set up to keep myself "in check" – never first thing after waking up(I do now), never on a work day until after I get home from work(since working from home during Covid I'm high 24/7, while working, while on conference calls, while talking to clients), the only rule I have not broken being to get high before driving to a clients business and meeting in person high – but that's an empty/useless victory.
    6th addiction – age 30 – chemical addiction. After a solid decade of drugs and alcohol (and 4 abusive relationships) – my emotions were numbed. I was in personal protect mode – making sure never to open up enough to someone to get severely hurt (failed at that anyway) I went into a period of loneliness and dissociation. Each day was just the one emotion – the numbness – and I was missing feeling other things. I started watching anything that could make me feel hyper emotional – the chemical release from intense happiness, sadness, etc became a gratification. It led me to things like reaction videos for one – where I would watch people cry to feel like I could cry, watch them laugh and laugh with them – substitution for all personal emotional connection, but the chemical release I received was the same. This meant I could bail on any future relationship at any moment something I didn't like would happen – and retreat back to the internet to find triggers to release the chemicals you would feel with love, hate, sadness, etc – but all from the safety of my home – and all at the expense of my life's relationships.
    7th/1st addiction – age XX – addiction. Addictive personality – addicted to addictions – this is real. This is the constant replacement of one with another. After acknowledgement and acceptance came the desire not to change or work on addiction – but to "make my addiction work for me". If I can get addicted to going to the gym and self care, replacing all the dishes and glasses that decayed away sitting around my house for years untouched, restocking the fridge and shelves with healthy foods – well OOOPS – guess what, that was just the spending addiction coming back wasn't it? It felt amazing getting that gym membership – that was spending money. Buying all the new household products – spending. No need to elaborate – but once again – failure to identify WHY doing those things was making me feel better – never realizing it was the spending addiction not some special ability to reprogram my addictions.
    And so at 40 – living with all of the mental, physical, social, and financial consequences of a life of addiction – I am still searching for that desire to get better, having written this entire thing while high.

  4. I’ve been smoking nearly everyday since I was 13 maybe take a day off and I gotta say you’re right I’m addicted too I need help in 19 I feel like it’s been affecting my left so here it goes

  5. Im watching this high rn, and im feeling that depression/guilt “how could you let yourself do this again”. I regret it but can’t stop, i’ve tried to stop for years but I always go back.

  6. Weed took me into a deep spiral where I was constantly deppressed and honelty sick when I wasnt high. It can take a hold of you so easily. For a year i couldnt go an hour without it, and it drained my bank account. I have been sober for a couple years now and over that time I feel that my brain has constantly been growing and evolving. sure I still think about how it would be nice to get high but I now know the costs of doing it, as well as the rewards your body gives you from not doing it.

  7. What you said about watching your hopes and dreams fade away hit me hard. I almost smoked yesterday but was able to stop myself! Thanks for helping me stay strong jake! 🙂

  8. Yeah definitely don’t want to replace marijuana with alcohol. Alcohol withdrawal is awful and even deadly cold turkey. Never had much of a relationship with weed. Take it or leave it. Alcohol on the other hand completely consumed my life as a teenager. Was a nightly drinker by 18. I was a functioning alcoholic for a decade. College, grad school, doctorate. Did it all having a bottle of vodka when I got home. Thing is it starts to take its toll. Not to mention when I really needed to function I could not drink until the state of full relief. I would wake up and I would be anxious with the first thing on my mind being how many hours until I can drink. Also having nights that I was lucky to even notice my buzz because my body was so used to it. At 28 I was hospitalized for gastritis. Which was starting to be common for me. My body was giving up. I would go to different places so that I would not know the doctors personally and get an IV and some meds and be on my way. Well the final time I went expecting this to be the case, but when the blood work and the CT scan came back it was not. The doctor came in and said I had sepsis. I was worried about this because my heart-rate was 150 and my lactic levels were double what they should be. This was coming from a swelling in my intestines. So for the first time I was being admitted. I started to go into withdrawal and had to be honest with them about my drinking. So up goes the railings on the sides of the bed and I get a red “seizure risk” band on my wrist. I was now being checked on every 2 hours and had Diazepam being added to my IV. 5 days later everything worked it self out and I was released. I went 7 months without drinking a drop of alcohol. Then I just decided I could. A few bad experiences testing this out. Basically I learned I can’t drink more than 4 nights in a row or my intestines give out. I drink on the weekends and some how manage it. I don’t feel bad on Sunday. I don’t feel deprived on weeknights. There may come a time that I totally give it up, but right now it is not having a negative impact on my life. I know the warning signs. I lived through them.

  9. I'm so proud of you! 1. For asking for help. I know that is so hard to do. 2. To fully commit to being sober. And 3. For being here to share your story. Being drug and alcohol free is a gift. Having your mind free is a gift. Your family and your children, and most importantly, your current and future self are and will thank you. Keep doing the work! Thank you for sharing your story. You will help so many! God Bless you brotha!

  10. been smoking on and off since 12 but been pretty much everyday for last 2 years and I kind of want to stop but it’s not really affecting my confidence or anything like that so it’s a tough situation

  11. Usually addiction is a symptom of an underlying problem and you try to self medicate . It could be any number of things like past trauma, depression, anxiety etc . Usually in order to stop the addiction you must address these issues

  12. was wondering about this, im back smoking, my mum passed away 3 months back and i just aint strong enough mentally i hate it but at the same time i feel nothing one day ill go back to sucking in fresh air

  13. So happy, proud, elated, relieved and generally really proud for you!
    For some reason, the algorithms are speaking my language, thus my reason for finding myself here!
    I'm only 2:21 into the video, and you're speaking my feel!
    I've tried stopping and for a whole fricken week, I'm in bed, contemplating dying, sweating and so worn out, I can barely move.
    Yep kids, that's what happens when you get addicted and have been smoking for decades. Listen to our man here. He knows the truth! 🤍
    Btw, you look so healthy! You're eyes, complexion … you just look awesome!

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